Tuesday, December 4, 2012

My Last Night of Breastfeeding

Tonight was it.  The end of the boob party for Lucy.

Let's be honest, this is also the end of the most beautiful thing I do at the end of every day and I can't even begin to pretend that it's easy for me.  Yes, I cried while nursing her tonight.  Yes, I'm already in bed (it's 8:30pm) feeling sad and lonely.  But, it's time to do it and I just want to make sure to record my feelings.

I've been weaning Lucy for a while now and have taken my sweet time doing so.  Since going back to work in a different role than I left, I knew that I wouldn't be traveling and it allowed me to nurse Lucy for just a little longer than I was able to do with Daniel.  I didn't expect to keep it going for 10 months, but now that I'm saying goodbye to it, it feels way too short.

Lucy latched on immediately and nursed perfectly from day one (complete opposite from Daniel with whom I went through nursing hell for six weeks before everything clicked).  She was super loud and would make high pitched sighing sounds as she nursed when she was an infant.  One night when my mother-in-law was spending the night to help us, we both just started laughing because of the noise and she told me that I could never bring Lucy into a movie theater while nursing.

Lucy was also an extremely aggressive nursing baby.  She kind of thrashed around to get to my boob and really attacked that milk!  And, above all, she was (and probably still will be) a serious PINCHER.  That girl could almost draw blood with those finger tips.  I usually had black and blue marks on my chest and upper arms from her aimlessly pinching my skin.  I would gasp in pain... though now I think it's kind of cute.  I remember that Daniel used to softly and lovingly play with my hair while I nursed him.  This girl could not have been more different!

I hope I always remember a little bit of nursing her... not only the pinching, but the way she would laugh while nursing and how, lately, she dives into my chest when she's getting hungry or tired.

I have loved every second of nursing both of my kids (errr... ok, not that first six weeks with Daniel) and I feel so fortunate for being able to do so for so long.  Since I doubt I'm having any more children, I'm likely saying goodbye to it forever which is probably why I'm so emotional now.

I'll always think of the hours upon hours that I spent alone in a room nursing my children as a gift that only I truly know about or understand - no matter what I write or say - because it was only me and them, only our thing.

And now that I got that over with, I'm happy to return to normal bras, smaller boobs (I pray!)  and no more questions that go like this: "Matt, do you think I drank too much to nurse Lucy?".

1 comment:

  1. All of us who have shared the joy of nursing echo your special words - even so many years later, I hear you.